Little Hitchhiker 2

As Niki has said, Wednesday really was a truly exciting day. We had a lovely time at Westfields before transfer (boys probably slightly less than us as they had to keep themselves busy whilst we hunted for bargains) and sauntered down to the hospital munching our sweets and still chatting and laughing.

Sitting in the downstairs waiting room was the most nerve-wracking part for me; at that point we had no idea how many (if any) embryos had made it to day 5. We went upstairs to the next waiting room (edging ever closer to the transfer theatre) where as Niki says, there were other couples looking v sombre. It made me appreciate again what a huge huge (cannot emphasise it enough) plus the incredible friendship is when you're going through surrogacy; they say a problem shared is a problem halved and I'm sure having 4 of us in this together helps make it easier.

We were called in to discuss the embryos and the lovely embryologist said "it's good news" very swiftly which slowed my pounding heart down somewhat! Out of the 8 that had been developing, 2 had made it to good quality blasts, with the others still alive but further behind. The decision then arose as to whether to transfer 1 or 2, and after some conversation between the 4 of us and advice from both Dr Carby and the embryologist, we went for 1.The other good one (along with 1 other good one that caught up and 2 average ones) would later be frozen and put into storage.

After gowning up and spending a silly few minutes playing "what can we turn the paper square into" we were taken in. I think one moment sums Niki up pretty perfectly; we were in the transfer theatre, Niki was lying on the bed in a hospital gown, legs in stirrups, and she turned to me and said "are you OK?". As always, worrying and caring about everyone else.

The star itself, little hitchhiker (photo taken through microscope just prior to transfer)

As I've mentioned before, I have a love/hate relationship with the 2ww. I love the possibilities it offers, the fact we're PUPO (or SPUPO as some of the lovely Hammersmith hospital ladies I chat to have renamed it for us, the S standing for "Surrogately" which is now officially a word....) I love the fact that we're so close we could almost touch it, that we've already overcome so many obstacles. On the other hand the what ifs can drive you crazy, and the idea that it might again be a negative is very hard to digest. I cannot imagine the pressure Niki feels; I know how much she cares and how much she wants this to work for us, and I know whatever the result, this superstar lady could not have done more & we are eternally grateful regardless.

You might be able to help keep us preoccupied. Obviously we cannot really blog about progress for a bit, so we thought you might have questions for us. Perhaps those reading who are Niki's friends and family have questions for me, and vice versa. Or perhaps there are questions which are easier to ask written down than face to face. Anyway, if you do have any, please ask away, we're both happy to answer what we can and as I say, it might keep us busy and sane!

Little Hitchhiker

As the title suggests, transfer was a success!! I now have a top grade little embryo on board that I have affectionately named 'Little Hitch-hiker'.

I thought transfer day would be hugely nerve-racking but instead it was lots of fun. Nerves obviously still played a part and as much as I'm very aware that Em and Adam will be forever grateful for me just trying, I also know how much a success would mean. It's hard not to feel that pressure, even when none is ever put on me, but that's where my 'What will be will be' mantra comes into play.

 Transfer was in the afternoon so brunch and shopping beforehand was a must - matching transfer day souvenir dress anyone? After losing the boys to gadget browsing and spending far to much time in Dorothy Perkins trying on clothes we headed off to Hammersmith with our 'Hospital snack' bag of sweeties.
Once there and in the waiting room I (and I think I can speak for Em here too) started to feel a little guilty about the smiles and jokes we were sharing. We were seated with three other couples, all of which were undergoing transfers after us. The pain and nerves in their faces was heartbreaking and it really did put into perspective yet again just how lucky I have been and why I am doing this.
I know Em and Adam have had more than their fair share of heartache and I'm certain they were equally as nervous as the other couples in the room but I'm so glad we are all close enough as a team to make it as fun and exciting as it could possibly be.

 Transfer itself was quick and painless and felt extremely similar to having a cervical smear. Afterwards the nurse talked us through a still image on the ultrasound screen and showed us where Little Hitch-hiker had made it's temporary home.
It's certainly a bizarre feeling being PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) as, unlike a natural conception I KNOW their is something in there, I just don't know how long it will stay, and it's truly out of my control.

I think we all have a gut instinct at the moment that this was truly meant to be and has worked, and Em and I are currently trying desperately (and somewhat failing) to put things to the back of our minds and be rational, but it really is in the hands of fate now...which is exciting and terrifying all at the same time!

So we are now in the dreaded 2 week wait...with everything crossed.

Taking things very seriously

Gorgeous Hospital attire

Transfer

We got a phone call bright and early yesterday morning to update us on how our 8 little embryos were doing. Astonishingly, all 8 were still developing which is really good. For anyone who is interested, here is the breakdown:

3 x good 8 cell embryos

2 x good 7 cell embryos

2 x average 8 cell embryos 

1 x average 6 cell embryo

Embryos on day 3 should have developed between 6 and 8 cells, so all have done what they should have. They are then rated "good" "average" or "poor" depending on the quality of cell division (ones that are fragmented or show other signs that I don't understand get lower ratings)

Consequently, transfer will be tomorrow - day 5. We will not know till tomorrow how many embryos we have still developing and what quality and stage they are at (hopefully blastocyst). Approximately 50% embryos will reach blast stage and of course we may get less than that. Please cross your fingers tightly for us that tomorrow goes well; we are all definitely feeling the nerves as well as the excitement. 

Magic 8

Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday, we were busy saying goodbye to some dear friends who are buggering off to sadly moving 'oop North'.

We were woken up at 9am (I know I know, lazy lie in...) with a phone call from the embryologists. Out of the 13 eggs retrieved, 9 of them were mature so were injected with sperm. 8 of those fertilised successfully and we now have 8 embryos sitting in a little petri dish in Hammersmith hospital. This is a really good fertilisation rate and we feel v lucky. Transfer will either be on Monday (day 3) or Wednesday (day 5) depending on how the embryos are doing. Crossing everything...

Quick edit to add this rather cool video I found which shows what our embryos are currently (hopefully) up to and will continue to do over the next few days.

Our lucky number?

My egg collection is all done! Adam and I got to Hammersmith just after 7am; I was already dressed in my rather unglamorous surgical stockings so looking the part. We only waited for about 10 minutes before we were called through and I was given a bed. The anesthetist came to chat and credit to him, did not turn pale and run out the door screaming when I relayed my medical history. Obviously concerned about a similar prospect, Anna Carby was there to reassure him that she could get my transplant consultant on the phone should he have any questions.

I was second on the list so I donned my gown, attractive hat and slippers, and settled down to wait. Not long after, someone came to get me and I walked into theatre. The anesthetist had a bit of fun playing find the vein, but once the cannula was in and the sedation was given, I don't remember anything else.

So very attractive....

 I woke up to discover they had managed to get 13 eggs. Adam and I first met up with Niki on Friday 13th April so we've already joked that 13 is a lucky number for us and that's the first thing that popped into my head (and Niki's when I told her). A good omen? Let's choose to see it as such.

Last time I got 22, but I also got a condition called OHSS, and 13 is still a really good number - many fight hard and still get far less than that. I'm just relieved we're one step closer. Tomorrow we will get a phone call from the embryologist to let us know how many have successfully fertilised. So need your fertilisy thoughts now please....

I'm back on one of the jabs as they want to ensure I don't develop OHSS again, so have to do them for 5 more days to try and calm things down quickly (I visualise the jab going in and saying shhhhh to over excited hopping around follicles - not sure that's quite the scientific version but nevermind). Will update as we get news on the embryos and head towards the most exciting day, transfer day!

Egg collection

Just a quick update to say that my egg collection is tomorrow. I had to have my trigger shot last night, which was 2ml of a drug called Buserelin. I was quite poorly 2 years ago when I had IVF and they think it might have been the Buserelin that was partly responsible, so I was rather apprehensive to say the least and was a bit wussy and made poor Adam give the shot!

Luckily I manned up quickly (with the help of some jaffa cakes) and am feeling OK today, so so far so good! Will be at Hammersmith by 7am tomorrow, complete with sexy anti-DVT stockings on, so please keep your fingers crossed for us all and think eggy thoughts...

Ready....skip the next bit...GO!!

Well, where do I start? The beginning is always a good one I know but it's all such a blur I'm not sure where exactly that bit was!!

Everything was so clear in my head after our previous appointment with Anna, I was to start meds on day 27 of my cycle, day 1 was looming, all was fine....then in jumped Mother Nature to keep us all on our toes.

Day 1 didn't come. When it still wasn't here a week or so later I started to worry a little (OK, a lot) and after lots of panicky messages between Em and I, and a reassuring email from Anna (on a Sunday evening too, she really is fab!) we all felt a bit better and resigned to the fact we'd have to let nature take it course and decide what to do when it finally arrived.

On to the day of the joint appointments. After a last minute re-route on the tube Steve and I met Emily and Adam in London and headed off to Hammersmith. First was the compulsory counselling with a lovely lady called Jeni. She made Steve and I feel really at ease and just wanted a general idea of why we were wanting to help Emily and Adam, how we met, what sort of relationship we had etc. I did have a 'wave of terror' moment when she asked Steve how he would feel when I was pregnant and his response was simply 'I haven't given it much thought, she'll be fat and I'll be looking after the kids'!! Luckily though it seems that's a typical male attitude to take and she actually commented that she'd have been more shocked had he have been completely happy with everything all along and had all the 'right' answers.

As Em had said she complimented the whole team and seemed genuinely delighted at the close friendship we all have.

After a quick gourmet lunch in the hospital cafe it was in for our appointment with Prem, our coordinating nurse.

A short introduction was followed by some quick cycle day questions and off he popped out to liaise with Anna about our treatment protocols. (Cue complete childish behaviour from the boys once left alone in the nurses office!! *rolls eyes* ). It seemed like an age before he returned but when he did he announced they'd like me to start treatment the very next day!!!!!! 

As Em has said, we had some idea this might be an option already, but for it to actually suddenly be a reality was both very daunting and hugely exciting all at the same time. Em and I shared an excited smile and then it was time to do lots of listening and learning...eeek.

I have a date with one of these every morning now.
Is it pleasant? No. Does is hurt? A little. Is it worth it? Yes.

So as you can see from the picture above I have started jabbing each morning and as of Thursday 19th July we are officially in our first treatment cycle! The oven is being prepped!
It is completely bizarre to think that less than a week ago I was worrying I may not start treatment in time to be ready for our aim of a fresh transfer in September, and now here we are, 5 days in!

Along with Em, I cannot thank SUK enough for being completely behind us all and giving us approval to begin a few days before our official agreement with them is signed.

So that's it, the official start to what's going to be a hugely exciting couple of months.
Positive thoughts for Cheese Teamcake please.

Nought to Sixty.

So yesterday was pretty huge really.

We went along for our coordination appointment. This meant all four of us going to Hammersmith for various bits and bobs. First came the compulsory discussion with the counselor, to ensure that Niki and Steve are doing this voluntarily and with fully informed consent. Then Adam and I joined them to talk things through, and the lovely lady gave us a glowing report.

We had to fill in a few forms before hand....

Blood tests, chats with the nurse and even more forms, and then we got onto trying to work out when treatment would commence. We had vague thoughts but I think we were all a bit shell shocked when our nurse returned and announced that Niki would need to start her 1st drug the next day! Huge excitement, a huge amount of (legal) drug purchasing, and a bit of a mind blowing day really! I'll leave Niki to detail how they felt about it all - I cannot imagine what a whirlwind yesterday was for them, but they were truly fantastic.

A minor panic trying to sort out SUK stuff ensued, as we are should sign an agreement before commencing treatment, however the Executive Committee have been fantastic and very supportive and accommodating so all is now fine.

So basically, here starts the beginning of Cheese Teamcake's first ever attempt. How am I feeling? Predominantly excited, but mixed in with trepidation, worry (I am a bit of a worrier but Niki happens to be as well so we understand each other well on that one!) and some fear. Am I feeling positive? Definitely. Realistic - we know all too well it doesn't always work, and a part of me stays braced because of that - but definitely positive. And whatever happens, Niki and Steve are making every step of this journey feel as enjoyable as possible. That is definitely a silver lining of surrogacy - we are going through it with the additional support of team friends every step of the way. I feel very lucky in that respect.