We are pregnant. Let me just write that again, WE ARE PREGNANT!!!! I honestly cannot believe it, I don't think Adam can either. It hasn't sunk in at all; we are just floating on cloud nine, unable to absorb that we are actually pregnant.
We woke up bright and early on test morning. Niki was going to message at 7am to check we were all up and ready. I woke up at 6.30 and swiftly felt sick with nerves. Tried to distract myself (with Rastamouse incidentally - got to love CBeebies at that time of the morning) and try and steady my pounding heart.
At 7am Steve and Niki messaged, and Niki went to test. Those few minutes felt like an eternity; I was desperately trying to talk myself into "being ready" to hear that it was negative, trying to brace myself to cope with it as bravely as possible. I started crying whilst we waited for the result (I've managed to do this every time, it's the anticipation I think) and then the little message came up that there was a photo to download. Fearing the worst, I clicked on it, and there it was: a clear blue pregnancy test quite obviously displaying "Pregnant".
The next bit is a blur - I could hear my own loud heartfelt sobs as we hugged tightly, speechless. After 3 long long years of pursuing surrogacy, we were finally pregnant. The very earliest of stages, yes, but we have never got this far, never seen those blue lines appear, that word confirming a dream is well on the way to becoming a reality.
As soon as I was vaguely coherent we rang Niki and Steve, and I sobbed down the phone to them as well. The words "oh my god" have been uttered so many times I think we may have used up the world's annual allowance.
The rest of the day was just magical - telling our closest family & friends who have been rooting for us so much, picking us up after each failure, and each time we've felt sad and found things hard - being able to share such joyful news and watch their expressions of shock and joy was just indescribably amazing.
We had an inkling this might be the result, as Niki has had some symptoms, but I don't think we wanted to allow ourselves to believe it. Now things are entering my head that I've never thought about before, never let myself stop and consider, that Adam and I have never dared talk about....We are all aware that it's very early days in the pregnancy, but oh my goodness what an incredible hurdle, and we all intend to celebrate the hell out of it.
What can I say at this stage about Niki & Steve? How do we try and put into words how much this means to us, how much they are giving, what joy they are bringing? They are doing the most amazing thing for us and are just being so incredible and supportive throughout, especially Niki as little hitch-hiker is already making its presence known. I'll leave Niki to tell the tale from her side of the fence but before I sign off, will post the best photo I've received in a very long time....