A surrogacy journey, jointly documented by Surrogate and Intended Mother.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Positive...Part 2.

I know you guys will have already read the fabulous news in Em’s post (yaaaaaay!!!) but we both felt it would be good to get this down from my perspective too.

This 2ww (actually 11 day wait) has been the longest 11 days of my life. Knowing somebody else’s, and something else’s fate lies in your hands is just an indescribable feeling, and one that has brought with it a rollercoaster of emotions.
I’d started to ‘feel’ pregnant just a few short days after the transfer and when I started to get a few signs and symptoms I started to think my feelings may have been right. After a couple of days of feeling a bit funny the sickness started to creep in and I let myself tell Em about it all. I played things down a little bit, and in a way, felt awful sharing this with her, as the last thing I wanted to do was get her hopes up. As the sickness crept up a notch and the tiredness and lethargy crept in I let myself tell her a little bit more.
I was so sure, yet in the same breath was so damn nervous about being completely wrong.

I dreamt we’d got a positive midweek, a 2-3 weeks pregnant on a Clearblue Digital, but woke up telling myself off for being so confident and spent the rest of the day convinced it had failed.
By Friday morning I was itching to test, for various reasons we’d all agreed to stick with the test date Hammersmith had given to us but the wait really was driving me crazy.
Em had said to be that she wouldn’t hold it against me if I needed to know but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it without her. Even though we wouldn’t be together in person on the day, it was their moment and their result to share, not mine, and I didn’t want to know a result any longer before them than I had to.
So my decision was made, I was driving myself mad for 2 more days.
I kept feeling more and more pregnant, yet almost feeling more and more negative. My minds way of keeping me grounded I guess.

So, along came Sunday, ‘pee on a stick’ day (or pee in a pot and dip the sticks in my case).
We’d already planned that we’d talk via our ‘Teamie’s chat’ group on our phones and all 4 of us were online bright and early at 7am.
We all said a quick good morning and I headed off to the bathroom to do my stuff.
After an agonising 40 second wait (yes it appeared that quickly) I gingerly pulled back the cover on the Hammersmith test to reveal two lines!!!!

We were Pregnant!!

I think my words were ‘Bloody hell’. I showed Steve and, in a typical Male (sorry), blasé response he simply said ‘yeah…well we already knew you were’.
I still couldn’t quite believe it so spent what felt like an age staring at the flashing egg timer on the Digital, willing it to hurry up. After a minute or so, staring back at me was the word pregnant, closely followed by the numbers 2-3 (just as I'd dreamt).

The first thing I did was burst into tears, quickly followed by snapping a photo to send to a nail biting Em and Adam followed by the words ‘OMG’.
The emotions that followed are really hard to describe.
Those of you reading who have been lucky enough to experience a pregnancy will know that magical feeling you get when you know a new life is growing inside you, the instant that instinct kicks in to want to do everything in your power to protect it. Well I felt that as much when seeing that positive test as I did with my own two children except this time my instinct is to do everything in my power to help it make it’s way safely to it’s Parents. And this time I had the added magic of knowing that the news I was about to break to two very special friends would not only make their morning, but their day, week, year and many, many more years to come.
I felt like the luckiest person in the world being able to be the bearer of that news, and being able to share the utter elation that followed it, and I feel truly honoured to be carrying a very special little baby for two very deserving, now parents to be.

1 comment:

  1. Bloody hell guys! You both know how to make a girl cry. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
    Niki - you are truly amazing. Fact. I don't really know what else to say.... Thank You!! Although that doesnt seem enough somehow. Adam and Emily mean so much to Stu and I and to know they're one step closer to realising their dream of becoming parents (and we all know they'll be amazing parents) is out of this world. And you and Steve are making it all happen. Thank You :)
    Looking forward to hearing lots more over the following 8 months!!! X x x