A surrogacy journey, jointly documented by Surrogate and Intended Mother.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

*insert shamed face here*

I've been slightly lacking in the blogging department lately and have shamefully left all the updating to Em :/
The thing when writing these things, especially when it's about such an important and emotive subject is that you've got to be in the right frame of mind to even begin to sound coherent.
With sickness and tiredness I've not exactly been 'there' recently so for that I apologise.

I'm happy to report I'm now feeling better (and as Em rightly pointed out, fatter!) so I will endeavour to update you all on my part :)

So, lets rewind 4 weeks and revisit the viability scan. With the bleed the week before and all the hopes pinned on seeing a heartbeat I have to admit I was a little nervous. I knew we should be seeing a heartbeat by then but had told myself over and over (and told Em too) that if we didn't see one it could just still be slightly too early and not to panic. I'd been feeling so rubbish that, deep down I knew everything was progressing nicely, but the worries were still there...
After donning my attractive white paper wrap around skirt and trying desperately not to flash my bum to Em and Adam (who was kindly looking everywhere but at me at this point bless him) I hopped up onto the chair and waited for Anna to do her stuff.
The relief and pure elation in the room when, within seconds she announced there was a heartbeat is really quite indescribable. I was completely overwhelmed with emotions at that moment. We all just looked between each other, tears in our eyes, almost in disbelief. The realisation hit that it had really worked and I had a tiny Little Hitch-hiker growing rapidly inside me making dreams come true. Teeny baby Assen starting his or her journey back to it's parents. We all kept looking at each other with goofy grins and I almost felt guilty for intruding on such a precious moment. It was amazing.
The rest of the day was pretty much filled will random squeals and 'Oh my Gods' and lots more happiness.

That was a huge personal milestone for me and I relaxed lots and worried much less afterwards. I was aware that once you'd seen a heartbeat the chances of a miscarriage significantly drop, so although I appreciate that there is a long way to go, that was a big big hurdle and getting past that really put my mind at rest that things were going well.

Fast forward 3 weeks and on to the booking in appointment.
I was worried about this for very different reasons. I knew full well it was a bucket load of questions and paperwork but I also knew what a MASSIVE deal this was for Em. As she put it to me, she was going to the place where people go when they are having babies!!!!! Hugely exciting stuff!!
I had no idea who the midwife we would see would be and was quite concerned she'd be negative, disapproving, rude or just plain unhelpful. I really wanted this first appointment to be a positive experience that Em would come away from feeling even more excited and not one that would spoil the journey.
As it happened we had THE most perfect midwife who was just fabulous and even with going 45 minutes over, extra paperwork and column editing she made the whole experience enjoyable and light hearted but most of all exciting.
I'm really not fussed who I get for my 5 minute, pee in a pot appointments now as that first one was just perfect, and it meant a lot to me for Em to get that :)

So here we are today. 10wks 5 days and I'm officially a fatty. Maternity jeans have surfaced and normal wardrobe is slowly being packed away.
I'm loving the fact that Em and Adam are now starting to believe this is all actually happening and can finally get excited and plan for a future involving a much wanted squidge.

The next milestone is the 12 week scan. The hospital have already been helpful and added it to my notes that I will require 2 people to accompany me (there policy is only 1 person and they can be quite strict about that) so hopefully this bodes well for the coming months and the inevitably complicated birth and post natal care plan we will be presenting to them.

1/4 down, 3/4 to go...

1 comment:

  1. I mean honestly Niki it is not as if you are busy with two kids, work and LHH you must make more effort to meet MY demands of wanting to read updates ALL THE TIME ;-) XXX