The big one: 12 week scan

Friday 2nd November was a very very important day; LHH was 12 weeks and we had our dating scan booked. I was absolutely terrified. I had managed to get myself into a state of semi nervous breakdown in anticipation of what the day might bring. I think it's a self-preservation thing; I still cannot believe we're actually lucky enough for this to be happening, and that it is really true. It gets more real (and more exciting) each time we hit a new landmark though.

We drove up to Coventry early Friday morning and went straight to Niki and Steve's for a cup of tea and quick catch up before heading to the hospital. As we walked into the woman's unit, I kept feeling like I shouldn't be there or I was there for someone else, and it felt incredibly exciting as well as nerve-wracking.

Adam Niki & I booked in and then sat down in the waiting room, next to all the other couples. Adam was fab, chatting away and making us laugh, whilst I worried quietly to myself and tried to process it all. After a while we were called in, and the three of us walked down the corridor to the scanning room. Yet again, we were incredibly lucky and had a lovely sonographer, who not only didn't make a fuss about Adam and I both being in the room, but was genuinely kind and interested in our rather rare situation.

Niki got herself settled and then the computer decided to build up the anticipation by freezing and making us all wait before the scan could begin. She took the probe and moved it onto Niki's abdomen and I grabbed Adam's hand, almost terrified to look at the screen. Then suddenly she said "congratulations guys, there's your baby" and there, clear as anything, was our little hitch-hiker, tiny, perfect, and (to my shock - goodness knows why I hadn't really thought about this) moving around merrily.

As we clutched each other's hands and I sobbed "oh my god" repeatedly (I'm going to have to come up with something more creative for these magical moments) she took the various measurements she needed to and everything was perfect; our wonderful friend is doing an amazing job of keeping LHH safe and warm. Niki lay quietly, letting Adam and I absorb everything, and I squeezed her shoulders tightly and said "thank you" for the millionth, but definitely not the last time.

Watching the screen was just incredible - I know it's real, I know that there's a baby there and that it's ours, but somehow watching it just makes it really real. I think the sonographer was generous with her time and she really was supportive and (quite rightly) pointed out that Niki is in fact an angel.

12 weeks is of course a huge landmark, and the following day was mine and Adam's 5th wedding anniversary. We had a celebration that evening with special friends and family, and it was so wonderful to be able to introduce Niki and Steve to people and celebrate properly. Seeing as Adam did all the talking at our wedding (not sure that's ever happened since) I did the speech, and got a few lines in before breaking down in tears when it came to saying the words "we're having a baby". I still can't believe I can say it out loud.

In my speech I thanked some incredible people who are responsible for getting us this far and who were there to celebrate with us - my transplant consultant and our IVF consultant, our amazing families who are just always always there, and of course Niki, Steve, Jack and Beth - I don't think I was able to put into words how much what they are doing for us means to us but I did try.

On Sunday, we got to listen to the baby's heartbeat via a doppler. It was just the perfect end to a truly magical weekend. I do keep thinking I'll wake up in a minute as this is all too good to be true, but it is real, and I just need to enjoy this amazing time and appreciate all the hard work and kindness that has got us this far.