This blog is a bit of a strange one as I wrote each bit in the moment but then had to abandon it for reasons you will soon read about. I've decided to leave it exactly how I wrote it but add in some bits, dates and create one long post...
Tuesday May 7th.
It's 4:33am and I'm lying in bed with a beaming smile giggling to myself...why? Because I've just got off the phone to Emily and Adam after telling them I think it might be time to have a baby!
I find myself picturing them rushing around getting ready to leave, and imagining how many times Emily has said 'oh my god' so far.
Contractions are so far manageable but getting more intense and much more regular now. The first ones came about 12:30am and I tried to ignore as they were very short and weak,although very close together and even tailed off at around 2:30am. By 3:30am they were back with much more of a kick and I decided it was time to get everybody on alert.
I'm still worrying I've got it wrong but was no longer comfortable enough to take that risk and they are now on their way to Coventry and will hopefully meet their little girl today!
Thursday May 9th.
Ok, sadly it's been two days since I started writing this and there is still no baby!!
One of my fears came true and It was a false alarm, we are all very frustrated and I'm feeling like a big fat fail.
Em and Adam arrived here in record time with an early morning M25 journey working in their favour. My Mum was not far behind them, ready to have the kids, contractions were getting stronger and much more intense. All was good and exciting...
Then nothing. Everything stopped.
A power walk got pains starting again and a bath kicked off a couple more then literally nothing else happened. By 10pm I was exhausted having been up all night and it was pretty clear nothing was happening, so after lots of emotion Em and Adam headed to a hotel and I headed to bed. I think we were all hopeful of something happening over night but nothing did, neither did it the next day. Everything really had just vanished!
It's Thursday now and we are playing the waiting game. Emily and Adam are still here but how long do they wait for?
The dilemma being that they could go home and risk missing it if things suddenly progress quickly, but they could decide to stay indefinitely and we end up 2 weeks overdue. We are all feeling the pressure of that decision but sadly none of us have a crystal ball and with us only being a week off due date anyway, nobody can really know.
Saturday May 11th
After speaking to the acupuncturist that I saw to get baby turning (which as we know was a great success) she agreed it sounded like baby was ready and I booked in for a natural induction therapy on Friday morning. Adam and I had a brisk walk around the park afterwards and we decided a curry was in order on Friday night. I think we were all hopeful we wouldn't make it to Saturday morning but again, here we are, waiting and waiting for nature to take it's course.
I felt awful when I went to bed and have had yet more frustrating twinges through the night but nothing is progressing at the moment.
I'm trying desperately not to feel the pressure of all of this but I'm very aware that it's my body putting everybody's life on temporary hold. This is where the realisation hits about how different the situation is and the different sets of problems we are facing. Had this been a conventional pregnancy then we'd have gone back to normal by now, safe in the knowledge everyone is close enough to react in an emergency, but with Em and Adam living two hours away, that decision isn't as easy. There are also two family's worth of people eagerly waiting for news that isn't coming, and every question makes one of us feel a little more disheartened, even though we know we shouldn't.
I'm trying to keep telling myself that this isn't my fault, and more so than that, however long we are all waiting, it will all be very very worth it in the end.
This is not the part we are going to remember in weeks or years to come, and will be nothing more than a funny story to embarrass LM(pain,monkey bum)HH!
Sunday May 12th
Well Saturday brought a funny old day. I had some on and off pains through Friday night that didn't really lead to much, enjoyed a nice lay in on Saturday morning and then started to feel completely crap. I was hot, thirsty, irritable and generally feeling rubbish. I started to lose my plug and continued to do so throughout the day and mild contractions were coming regularly from afternoon onwards. I kept quiet at first as I didn't want to get anybody's hopes up and Em's parents had visited and took her out for a bit of normality (I knew she wouldn't want to go if she knew I was feeling something) but as the day went on they got stronger and quite painful and at one point I was hopeful we wouldn't make dinnertime.
Just to add to the frustrations though, by bedtime things were still only ticking along nicely. No major change in intensity or frequency. So we all headed to bed.
It's now Sunday morning and although the pains continued throughout the night they still didn't amount to anything and we're still blooming waiting!
Maybe today is the day?
Monday May 13th
The rest of Sunday brought a bit of a down day. I was really feeling the frustration. Adam had made the decision to head back home so as not to affect work too much, Emily decided she'd stay with us for the duration so she was nearby and the pressure was starting to get to me. I spent some of the day in tears and the rest pretty much sulking and not knowing what I wanted to do with myself. Emily was fab and ordered me out for a waddle/hop with her (also known as a walk) and we both visited my Grandma after that for a girly chat and a cuppa. I felt much better about things once I'd got home and made the decision not to go for another session of acupuncture that evening. Not because I thought it would be useless, but because I had an instinct that my body knew what it was doing and to let it take it's course. I also felt I'd be more stressed if I felt there was something else everyone was pinning their hopes on working, which wasn't going to help any of us, so I left it. We had a relaxing evening with a takeaway and although I was contracting regularly again, and having to breathe through a few of them, by near midnight things still hadn't progressed so we all went to bed, hopeful for tomorrow.
The pains continued hourly throughout the night and I kept my TENS machine on for most of it. They were still coming by morning but still didn't seem to want to regulate.
Emily went out mid morning to meet a friend and I'll admit to panicking a bit as now neither her or Adam were here if anything happened quickly and the pressure of making the decision of when to call them was back. I was still contracting and somewhat more regularly (about 15 minutes apart but nothing too strong) at this point but keeping in the spirit of feeling the pressure I think I was holding back a bit while she was gone and no amount of willing things to hurry would have worked as I just wasn't relaxed enough to let it happen.
Sure enough once she was back I felt a burst of energy and relaxed back into the 'what will be will be' attitude I'd had on Sunday evening. A short walk around the block with Steve at 3pm brought on some hefty pains and at 3:30pm everything suddenly ramped up.....
Was Labour day finally here??