A surrogacy journey, jointly documented by Surrogate and Intended Mother.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Past the half way point...

20 weeks is a huge milestone in many ways. The pregnancy reaches the half way marker, from now on it's closer to the finish than it is the start. The 20 week scan time where you hopefully get to find out baby is doing just fine and maybe get to stop referring to it as 'it'. In our case there is a visible bump and regular movements can be felt. It is a great stage to be at.

There is something about this half way point though that seems to make people suddenly realise how real everything is...

Everyone but me, it's been real for me since day dot and I'd thought long and hard about every single step of the upcoming journey in detail before it had even begun.
So why do people choose now to worry that I'm going to fall apart?
I've had a fair few 'Oooh, are you still OK? It's getting a bit real now isn't it?' type comments lately and if I'm honest they kind of bug me.
I've been pregnant for nearly 22 weeks, am blooming, am getting more and more excited for Em and Adam by the day, I think it's safe to say I'm doing all right.
I get that people are (hopefully?) just looking out for me but to me it feels as though there is a line of people waiting for me to fail.
I do hope that's not the case and can honestly reassure everybody that I am doing great and if anything the closer to the birth we get the more excited I am about Em and Adam finally becoming parents.

I would like to add that Em, Adam and family are excluded from the above as that is a whole different kind of it finally feeling real. I love that now we are past this point they are relaxing and enjoying this more and more. 20 weeks for them really is HUGE and a milestone they'd only ever dreamed of reaching.
They are beaming with excitement every time I see or speak to them and I am still truly honoured to be able to share this with them.

The 20 week scan was amazing, after my initial defensive daggers rising in preparation for a fight with the sonographer when she said only one person could come in with me,it was another really emotional appointment. I struggled to see Em so worried and it felt bizarre not having those worries myself. With daily movements from wriggle bum and maybe with this being pregnancy number 3 for me I just knew deep down everything was perfect in there and so wasn't nervous at all. It was easy to see that Em was though and so as usual idle chit chat and silly jokes were a must.

I was quite emotional seeing LHH on the screen again, I was as amazed as when seeing my own on there but for entirely different reasons and all to do with the happiness I stole a glimpse of on Em and Adam's faces.
The scans have always felt a little awkward for me, I've said before I feel like I'm intruding on a precious moment I shouldn't be a part of. With Em being detached from the pregnancy this was their chance to connect with their baby, so where I can I shrink out of the picture and let them enjoy those moments as they would if Em was pregnant herself.
Huge hugs were had afterwards though and normal teamie excitement resumed it's natural course.

Aside from the scan the best bit about teamie weekend was by far Em and Adam getting to feel LHH move (the boys may well disagree and go for the party food and beer...).
With me feeling movements for a while and Em only having my running commentary to go by it was hugely exciting for them both to feel a kick and had we not have had other company in the room I suspect Em and I would have burst into tears.
I have been desperately trying to capture L(miss)HH wriggling on video since but the monkey appears to be camera shy and so haven't managed it yet.

There are both exciting and not so exciting things to look forward to over the next few months. We have our meeting booked with the Matron (ooooh) at the hospital to go over our birth plan and what provisions they are going to put in place for Em and Adam to care for the baby once she's born. We have booked a teamie break away for the Easter holidays to bore the boys to tears with more endless girly chit chat.
Slightly less excitingly I shall hopefully be starting some physio and pilates very soon to try and tackle the pesky pains in my back and hips. And in other news I shall soon not be able to see, let alone reach my feet!

I cannot begin to express how lucky I feel to know and to be helping Em and Adam. We all keep saying how bizarre it is that a year ago we were not even in each other lives, we are too close for that to seem right and I can genuinely say that I know we will be in each other's live's forever (sorry boys). Having them here at Christmas time just proved how much like family they are to us.
A friend of mine once said to me 'You know you have a true friend when talking for England is as natural as sitting in a room in silence and not worrying that nobody is speaking'.
This sums up our team for me, nobody feels like they need to make a special effort when we are together, if it's perfectly normal then we are happy.
And very happy we are.

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